You have probably asked yourself this question more than once.
Why did I do that? I knew better. I could see it happening in real time. And I did it anyway.
Maybe it is how you pull back from people the moment something gets close. Maybe it is the way you run yourself into the ground working, even when you have told yourself a hundred times that you need to stop. Maybe it is the voice that tells you everything you do is not enough, no matter what the evidence actually shows. You understand the pattern. You have probably even traced it back to where it started. And it keeps happening.
Internal Family Systems therapy, IFS for short, was built for exactly this. Not for people who lack insight - for people who have plenty of it and are still stuck.
The Basic Idea Behind IFS
IFS was developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz in the 1980s. He started noticing that his clients would talk about different internal states in ways that did not quite fit the idea of one unified self. Things like: "Part of me wants to move on, but part of me refuses to." Or: "There is something in me that keeps doing this even though I hate it."
He started taking those descriptions seriously rather than treating them as figures of speech.
The model he built from that is this: we are not one thing. We are a system of parts, all of which developed for reasons that made sense at the time, all of which are doing their best, even when what they are doing is making our lives harder.
That last part is important. IFS does not approach any part of you as a problem to be eliminated. There are no bad parts. There are only parts that are working too hard, carrying something they should not still be carrying, or trying to protect you from something that already happened a long time ago.
What the Parts Actually Are
There are three types of parts in the IFS model, and understanding them does not require a graduate degree.
The protectors are the parts you probably interact with most. These are the ones running the daily operations. The inner critic that tells you to do better before anyone else can say you did not. The perfectionist that keeps you working late. The people-pleaser that says yes before your mouth finishes opening. These parts developed because at some point, in some context, being critical, being perfect, or keeping everyone happy actually worked. It kept you safe or loved or functional.
They are not the enemy. They are exhausted employees who never got told they could stop.
The firefighters are a different kind of protector. These are the reactive ones, the parts that show up fast to stop something that feels unbearable. They do not think before acting. They drink, or scroll for three hours, or pick a fight, or disappear into work, or sleep all day. Not because they want to make things worse. Because they are trying to put out a fire - that unbearable feeling- as fast as possible. The method is often destructive, but the intention is always to stop the pain.
The exiles are what the protectors are working so hard to keep contained. These are the younger, more vulnerable parts that carry the emotional weight of painful experiences, shame, fear, grief, and the beliefs that formed around those experiences. Things like: I am too much. I am not enough. I will be left. I cannot trust people. I am unlovable. The exiles are not memories exactly. They are the emotional reality of those memories, still alive, still looking for someone to finally listen.
The Part That Is Not a Part
This is where IFS gets interesting.
Underneath all the parts, the model says, there is a Self. Not a part - a state of being. The Self is curious rather than reactive, calm rather than flooded, compassionate rather than critical. It does not need to be created or built. It is already there. Every person has it. What usually happens is that the parts take over so completely that the Self rarely gets to lead.
The goal of IFS therapy is not to get rid of any part. It is to help the Self develop enough of a relationship with the parts that it can actually lead the system instead of being pushed out of the way by whoever is most activated.
When that starts to happen, things shift in ways that are hard to explain until you have experienced them. The inner critic does not go away, but you stop being merged with it. The firefighter does not disappear, but it does not run the show in the same way. The exile finally gets to be heard by someone who can actually hold what it is carrying.
Why IFS Works Well Alongside EMDR
IFS and EMDR are not the same approach, but they work well together, which is part of why I integrate them depending on what a session calls for.
IFS tends to be slower and more exploratory. It builds a relationship between the Self and the parts over time. It is particularly useful when someone is not quite ready to go into the processing work that EMDR involves, or when we need to understand the internal system more clearly before targeting specific memories.
EMDR can then help process the experiences that the parts have been protecting. Once an exile's burden is actually processed at the nervous system level, rather than just understood intellectually, the protectors often relax. They do not need to work as hard because the thing they were protecting is no longer as raw.
If you have done EMDR therapy and found it helpful but feel like there is still a layer underneath, IFS is often what reaches it. And if you have done IFS work and understand your parts but cannot seem to actually move the emotional weight, EMDR is often what does that.
They are different tools for different parts of the same process. You do not have to choose one.
What IFS Sessions Actually Look Like
People sometimes expect IFS to feel theatrical, like talking to empty chairs or doing elaborate visualizations. It rarely feels that way in practice.
Most of the time it looks like a conversation where the therapist helps you slow down and pay attention to what is happening inside. I might ask what you notice in your body when a certain thought comes up. Or invite you to get curious about a part rather than trying to argue with it or push it away. We are not analyzing the parts from a distance. We are turning toward them with enough patience and interest that they can start to tell us what they actually need.
It is slower than people expect. And more specific. Instead of talking about the pattern in general, we are paying attention to this part, right now, in this moment, and what it is doing and why.
This Is Not About Becoming Multiple Personalities
People occasionally worry about this. It is worth addressing directly.
IFS uses the language of parts and multiplicity descriptively, not literally. It is not suggesting you have separate personalities or that something is wrong with you for having internal conflict. Everyone has it. The model just gives you a framework for working with that conflict rather than treating yourself as one homogenous thing that should be more consistent.
Noticing that part of you wants to rest, and part of you is terrified to stop, is not a problem. It is accurate. IFS helps you understand what both of those parts need instead of picking a side and trying to force the other into compliance.
Whether IFS Might Be Right for You
IFS tends to be particularly useful for people who are self-aware and still stuck. People who have done a lot of talking and understand their patterns but cannot seem to act differently when it counts. People who notice internal conflict and want to actually work with it rather than just describe it. People who have a sense that what they are carrying goes deeper than thoughts and could use a different way in.
It is also useful for people who are skeptical of therapy that feels too abstract or touchy-feely. IFS is a structured model with a specific map. There is always something concrete to work with in a session. You are not just floating around in feelings. You are paying attention to something specific and developing a relationship with it over time.
If you are in Summit County and considering individual therapy, it is worth knowing that IFS is one of the approaches I draw from regularly in my work with adults and adolescents. Not as a rigid protocol, but as a way of making sense of the internal landscape that most people are already trying to navigate on their own.
If something in this post felt like it was describing something you recognize, that is probably worth paying attention to.
The first conversation is just a conversation.
Frequently Asked Questions
What does IFS stand for?
IFS stands for Internal Family Systems. It is a therapy model developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz in the 1980s based on the idea that the mind is naturally made up of different parts, each with its own perspective and role, and that healing happens when the core Self learns to lead the system rather than being overridden by the parts.
Is IFS the same as parts work?
Parts work is a general term for any therapeutic approach that works with distinct internal states or sub-personalities. IFS is one specific model of parts work, with a defined map of part types (managers, firefighters, and exiles) and a clear therapeutic goal: strengthening the relationship between the Self and the parts so the Self can lead.
What is IFS therapy good for?
IFS is particularly useful for trauma, anxiety, depression, self-criticism, perfectionism, compulsive behaviors, relationship patterns, addiction, disordered eating, and any situation where someone understands why they do something but cannot seem to change it. It works well for people who have done a lot of therapy and still feel stuck.
How is IFS different from CBT?
CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) focuses primarily on identifying and changing thought patterns and behaviors. IFS works at a different level: rather than trying to change or challenge thoughts, it gets curious about the part that is producing those thoughts and works to understand what that part needs. IFS tends to be slower and more exploratory than CBT.
Can IFS be used alongside EMDR?
Yes, and they work well together. IFS is useful for understanding the internal system and building a relationship with the parts. EMDR can then process the emotional experiences that the parts have been protecting. Many therapists, including Laura Landrum at Nurturing Wellness, integrate both depending on what the work calls for.
Where can I find an IFS therapist in Summit County, Colorado?
Nurturing Wellness in Breckenridge offers IFS-informed individual therapy for adults and adolescents in Summit County. Laura Landrum, LCSW, integrates IFS with EMDR and somatic approaches depending on what each client needs. Telehealth is available throughout Colorado.
About the Author
Laura Landrum, LCSW, LAC, is a certified EMDR therapist and licensed clinical social worker based in Summit County, Colorado. Before becoming a therapist, she spent years as a backcountry guide, which is a longer story than it sounds. She works with adults, adolescents, and children in Breckenridge and throughout Colorado via telehealth. She is direct; she does not flinch at hard things, and there is nothing you can bring into the room that is going to send her running.
